Flipping the Switch

Have you ever gotten so into autopilot mode that you didn't even realize you had your bra on as you got in the shower?

No? Really?

Well, I was deep into that mode & it seriously took that act of silly thoughtlessness to shake me awake!

Two weeks into a hiatus from a grueling work schedule, I'm beginning to gain momentum back in to MY LIFE.

And by "my life", I mean having time to process a thought, to actually think about how I feel about something, taste the flavor of foods & savor them, 

listen to music & dance, read a book & not fall asleep after the 1st page.

Experiencing vs. just existing.

I'm reconnecting to what I like, finding again who I am.

And it feels good!

So good that I'm ready to kick autopilot's a** & make some changes!

Two summers ago a friend took on a "summer of yes".

Life had gotten to a spot where it needed a lil shaking up, some newness needed injecting.

So she decided to say YES to any & all opportunities that came her way.

She invited friends to connect her to others, widening her social & dating circles.

As she opened herself up, the Universe responded with amazing opportunities.

In these past 2 years, I've witnessed so many blessings come into her life, 

from love & family to consistent creative job opportunities.

Its been so cool to watch!

She didn't sit back & wish for it, or use the "Secret" & wait for it to arrive,  she made a conscious decision that shifted her energy & within that shift the energy keeps gaining momentum.

So, of course when you witness transformations like this do you really want to sit by & watch your life stay the same????

Me neither!!!

I pumped her for info ~ how do you do it? what are the rules? do I always, always have to say yes? 

My "over-achiever good student" mode kicked in, I mean I wanted to do this right, get that A+, win the man of my dreams, travel, play, you name it, it could all become my reality...of course that's not how it works exactly, there's no "do this & voila happiness"

Its a journey of yeses.

So far I've learned old habits are hard to break.

And she's called me on it!

I didn't even realize I was saying no!!

Damn Autopilot...hit the switch, eject eject!

Of course, I argued & wanted to be right, blaming a sad mood.

Thank god she argues back :)

Now that've started feeling like me again, I have consciously made the decision to say

I flipped the switch to yes on Monday

& I am in awe of the changes that have already happened in 4 days!!

I decided I needed to shake up the online dating arena & joined

"How Bout We..." (thanks to her pointing it out as a yes action since she saw me wavering on it due to cost) 

It's a cool site where you throw out a date suggestion & see who bites.

I like the concept - alot!

No hiding behind computer screens for endless rounds of emails.

Just getting out there & dating! Yeah!

 They always say dating is a numbers game, so its time to play!

So far 2 different dates this week have happened & several conversations planning dates are on-going.

I have got to learn how to juggle multiple guys!! Quick!
One guy called the other night, & thank god he said which site he was from, with a quick run to the laptop to reference profiles, I was up to speed to keep on chatting.

Things I have learned so far: 

by saying yes to a wider age range there is definitely different protocols,

30-something guys seem to text only 

& are more spontaneous in date planning - (ding) text: hey, in your area, what are you up to?

Late 40's-50yr old guys, call for the most part & texts are reserved for sending addresses of meet-up locale,

They also prefer early evening dates...

I'm learning so much ;)

Met Date #1 this week at a cool lounge in the Valley, which I hadn't been to before (definitely one fun part is finding new spots about town!).

So the entrance was in the back alley,

it was very dark inside,

& he came wearing a baseball hat...hmmmmm 

Totally fine date, nice conversation.

As we walked back out in to the bright daylight, out came the words (from both of us)

"that was fun. this is great. we should do it again some time"

Totally Chandler Bing-ed it!!

Pretty sure we both walked away thinking we'll never see each other again :)

Date guy #2 was earlier tonight ~

he picked a really cool spot downtown (another new intro to me).

Drinks turned in to dinner, which turned into coffee after

(I forgot to get decaf, hence my chattiness)

Had a really good time.

And, he's already followed up for a 2nd date ~ awww yeah!

The good energy is flowing!!

Let the dating games begin!!!

Of course, one of my favorite parts of dating is getting all dressed up for it, especially in summer with all the pretty dress options.

Thought I'd share the go-to 1st date look ~ if you see me out in this, you can probably bet I'm meeting a guy.  

My favorite feel good style is 

a cute colorful dress, cinched at the waist to show those curves ;)

 Worn with an array of shoe options depending on said date's height (a tall girl has to be prepared in a town of short men). It's either flat sandals, 2" sandals or the 3" heels

And the best accessory, my smile (cheesy, but true, hehe)

Here's to seeing what fun YES brings!! Cheers
xo

"Field of Dreams"-ing it

Ok, so we last left off with an anticipated round of "speed dating" coming up...

I was actually quite excited for this evening.

It had been a while since I had powered through a few dates in one evening & the idea was sounding fun again.

It was with a few Meet-up groups collaborating to bring together what sounded like a pretty cool group of people, mostly single professionals in their 30's & 40's - perfect!

(seriously, a job is a requirement these days! Am I right, ladies?!)

I liked the idea that it was through meetup.com versus a "speed dating" company, which I've tried & have always had fun at but it felt a lil less pressure-y somehow in my mind.

It was also conveniently located at a pub around the corner from the lot, so super easy to get dolled up after work & pop over.

I made sure to rsvp early when I saw the initial posting, I was ready!

They had a 'pay now' or 'pay at door' option, the later being far more expensive, so I tried to click thru & pay w/o much luck since the links kept circling me back.

I wasn't too worried & figured I 'd try again before the event.

It quickly 'sold out' to women, as is often the case, so I was thankful for my rsvp.

The night before I figured out the payment system, all was good, 

let's get our date on!

The next morning I picked out my casual, yet cute, hip with a twist of preppy dress that said 'yeah, lemme show you a lil sense of my style without trying too hard", I grabbed my sandals, & a pop of color clutch ~ all were handy in the car, easily ready to transform me from 'worker Carlie' to "fun, we should hang out Carlie'.

On the commute the next morning, during a particularly long stand still in the canyon, I was checking my email (only while stopped, I promise!).

There I saw an email from Phil.

Phil was writing to tell me that he was refunding me for that evening's speed dating event.

Apparently the system had a glitch & it was sold out to women & shouldn't have processed my payment.

I quickly wrote back explaining to him, 'oh no, I had already rvsp'd, I just preferred to pay in advance & not at the door. I'll see you this evening'

Sadly, no I would not...

Apparently the rsvp was meaningless w/o payment, which boggles me as to why they offered a 'pay at the door' option then...

This was the 2nd speed dating event this year that got cancelled on me on the same day of the event...

I will admit a few tears of frustration were shed as I crawled down the canyon...

I was really tired of getting excited, getting my hopes up & then being let down. 

I was questioning it all...why bother?

What was a girl to do, but turn to Mom.

As always, she came through with the best response ~ "obviously this was God's way of letting you know you weren't going to meet any one great there & He just saved you the money"

I love her!

Thanks Mom!!

So this, along with inbox messages from the likes of Spacelord67, Lazybum99, & DaBrothaMan on okCupid, I was feeling pretty down on the whole dating scene...

I've been on a journey of revisiting my Faith this year (thanks to a book from Mom), where I've working on being more trusting in God & his plan for me, instead of pushing through what I think I know is best...(it can be tough!)

Mom has been faithfully praying for him to come in to my life for, um 39 years now, so maybe its time I place a lil faith in God too that he'll send him when the time is right.

So I'm going to relax a bit, take some deep breaths 

& enjoy the summer fun that lies ahead :)

Of course, now that I've said that, you're gonna laugh at me for my "Field of Dreams"-ing it, but it doesn't hurt ;)

"If you build it, they will come"

I'm back at my old practice of buying an extra ticket for events I want to go to.

I figure 'cool, if he's around by then I'll have a great date to take to this show, this event, this opening, you name it...'

If he hasn't shown up by the time of said event, my lucky friends reap the benefits ;)

which is always a guaranteed good night out!

Its a win-win either way in my book!

Here's to believing!!

xo

Is it the caffeine or you making my heart beat faster?

Ok, so since we last chatted, there has been another blind date ~ 

#2 for those keeping count ;)

Our introduction came through a very dear friend & she knows my penchant for nice guys, so it was a no-brainer. 

Thanks girl!!

We already knew he was nice from im's, texts, & brief phone calls (so many ways to communicate these days w/o ever meeting - crazy!!)...now came the actual face to face time!!

Let me set the stage for you ~ 

I seemed to have passed the "starter communication" stages & he asked me if I'd like to grab coffee or lunch during the week?

"Sure," I say, "I'm working & my schedule can be a lil unpredictable, is it ok if we play the when/where/how by ear?"

He was totally cool with it, flexible - 1 point for #2

I will forever appreciate a guy who's cool to roll with the punches of my work hours, cuz I can sure as hell get cranky with my lack of control over my schedule ;)

Soooo coffee or lunch turned into a phone call from me at 8:30p saying I was free, still interested?

I had brought my cute dress to work, make up, heels ~ I was ready!

Figuring at this time of night maybe, just maybe, it'd turn into a drink instead (cuz I really needed a glass of wine to unwind...not coffee)

Nope, brightly lit Starbucks it was.

Now this fact started a flurry of questions in my head ~ most importantly, is he a 

non-drinker?????

I know it may be wrong to judge on this life choice, but I have visions of long, romantic wine-tasting weekends away together and I want to SHARE the experience with my man, not have a designated driver!

He asks me to text him when I park & he'll come meet me

Gentlemanly?

Or LAPD protective-mode behavior? 

(oh, did I mention he was a cop, now K-9 bomb squad?)

Starting to see how I over-think or analyze everything?

I think I need to hit the "pause" button on my brain sometimes & just enjoy!!

Oy!

We grab our coffee (decaf!) & head out to the patio to enjoy the beautiful evening

Did you know they close it at 9?..

Back inside we went til we got kicked out 9:30!!!

It was a quick date...

Not quite enough time to gather a lot info...you KNOW I still had questions ;)

Do we share similar interests?

Was there any chemistry?

Or was it my macchiato jacking me up?

Does he drink? (yeah, funnily that didn't work its way into conversation on our 25 min date) 

Would I want to kiss him?

Only way to answer all these questions ~ a 2nd date...

Except I think for all the questions I was having, the actual answers truly laid in me trusting my intuition.

I really didn't "feel" like we were a match, buuuuuut a lil doubt kept nudging me ~

How do you know?

Maybe you'll learn to find him attractive... 

*(he actually is a very nice looking gentleman, but reminded me of my uncle - couldn't go there)

Maybe he was nervous?

Maybe I'm hiding behind excuses?

Why should I trust my gut? Its track record ain't the best

Of course I didn't keep these questions to myself & asked for other's advice on how they "knew"?

I got a lot of "it took 6 or so dates, but he grew on me", "1st meeting he disgusted me, 19 years later I couldn't be happier".

Is it wrong to want to be excited for a 2nd date? 

To have giddy butterflies in your stomach?

I've been studying lately about energies & what we put out to the Universe.

Its pretty amazing what others can pick up even if you're not aware of the exact message you're sending.

So, wouldn't the 2nd date in theory already be a bust if you're not excited about it?

Can you fake the excitement in the "getting to know you" phase?

Can he tell if your faking it? ;)

Alright, let's just cut to the 2nd date ~

Yes, he asked me to dinner

& I agreed - are you kidding, I needed answers!

I think the BIGGEST answer came a couple of hours before our date.

He texted to say hi, & set our plans.

Now, I had gotten off work early (a fact I didn't feel like sharing with him) & popped by a local outdoor mall to get some design inspiration.

Turned out he was actually there too.

I did an about-face & bolted to my car so fast it was not funny.

Not a good sign, right?

I could try & blame it on the fact I was in the same dress I had worn to our coffee date

(oh the horror of him seeing me in it twice -ha!)

But if I was truly looking forward to it, I would've admitted I was there too & possibly had a fun impromptu afternoon/evening...

I'm sure you've probably gathered by now that the 2nd date didn't see fireworks. 

I will say it was a perfectly lovely evening.

He was gentlemanly, talkative, attentive.

He's a great guy, just not my guy...

 My inbox lately has been  full of messages on "how to attract mr right", "what makes guys choose you", "find him before summer ends"...its a summer dating bonanza & they all entice you from your place of want, & punch you in your place of lack.

I find with each one I open I'm questioning my greatness & who I am. 

I must FIX myself to achieve these desires.

While their messages say "if love yourself & he'll love you" (truly the best advice I've ever heard!), they also say you need to follow their steps to find success in love.

Are you trying to change me?

I'm confused.

I think I'm going to hang-up the self-help for a bit & just try

to be ME.

We'll see how that goes ;)

First up, speed dating tomorrow night!!

Stay tuned, I'm sure there'll be stories!!

xo

Appropriate, no?

Ahhhh the Sweet smell of Summer has arrived....

Wait, what??! It's June??!!

 Yep,  the days are longer, the sun feels warmer, & the birds are chirping really early in the morning, I think its here...

That familiar sense of endless possibilities is surrounding me, hugging me ~ mmhmm yep, that's that SUMMER feeling 

 & this year I couldn't be more ready for some summer FUN!!

Life has been pretty hectic these past few months & I'll admit it was a welcomed craziness! I dove head first in to work, into my business, & into anything to avoid feeling my way through my heartache.

And it worked for a while, but when I came up for air the heartache was still there...

I knew I needed to face it, but I knew I needed help.

So, as if I wasn't busy enough, I enrolled back in with my amazing dating coach, 

Marni Battista. 

I knew no one would tell me straight up like it is & make me believe in myself enough again like she could! With her previous coaching, I had experienced my first true love, but now as I was experiencing my first true heartbreak I needed guidance to get out of the fog.

It has truly been a roller coaster of emotions these past few months & as a reformed "frequent avoider" of facing my feelings, it has been scary, uncomfortable & exhilarating!

Two summer's ago, Marni & I finished up our work together & out into the dating world she sent me ~ a more confident & self-loving version of me.

And it worked! 

Once I had learned to love myself & saw the goodness I could bring to a relationship, the men started showing up.

A particularly wonderful man caught my attention quickly & it lead to an amazing summer!

(I'll save you from all the stories, but if you want to read'em they're at http://firstloveat37.blogspot.com/ )

We lasted a year. 

Maybe the timing was off, maybe it ran its course, I can only speak from my experience, that it will always be a year I treasure & hold close to my heart.

I learned to love & be loved and it was beautiful.

Needless to say that lead to the not-so-best summer of my life last year...

Now that we've circled around to another summer, I am ready to love fully, madly & deeply again!!!

I'm excited to be back writing again & will be sharing all the fun adventures, mishaps, & insights that dating at 39 brings!!!

I am taking on this summer with an open heart & an open mind!

Love could be anywhere!

Yes, I'll be looking online, maybe going a round or 2 at speed dating, meet-ups, you name it ~ it's all going to be about being out LIVING A LIFE I LOVE!

That being said, I am also open to meeting any fine gentlemen you may know. 

If you know me & know someone who you think may be a good match, why not introduce us? ;)

A couple of friends have done just that & it been fun meeting new men.

The 1st guy was my "getting back in the saddle" guy, there's always gotta be that guy, right? ;)

It was fun to be out connecting, flirting, conversing, but not a match.

This 2nd guy is very nice...we'll see... 

I feel lots of adventures await & you'll get to be along for the ride!

Stay tuned.

I've gotta run ~ a BBQ at the beach is waiting

SUMMER IS HERE ~ CHEERS!

xoxo