And a new CRUSH has begun...

"Love is the only thing you can really give in all this world. When you give love, you give everything"

~ Theodore Dreiser

I hope you enjoyed a wonderful Valentine's Day!

It was so refreshing to have no expectations that I actually enjoyed my best Valentine's, 

sharing & receiving love with my friends throughout the day was like a 24 hour hug!

Have you ever heard a word for the first time, or learned about something new and then all of sudden it's popping up everywhere in conversations, on the radio, in an article?

Coincidence or newfound awareness?

Back in December at a screening for August: Osage County this actor came on the screen & I was struck by his unique look. He reminded me of someone, another actor, a younger version. It totally began to distract me as I racked my brain. Then it hit me - he must be Dennis Quaid's son, but wait, did Dennis Quaid have a 20-something son? Who acts?

Is it Dennis Quaid? Nooooo, it can't be...is it?

Well, he kinda looks like him, but more interesting.

I was completely struck by this actor. Every time he was on the screen I couldn't take my eyes off him! I wouldn't say he's handsome in a traditional Hollywood sense, but there was something entrancing about him.

As the credits rolled my eyes were glued to the screen, 

who is this mystery man? I gotta know!

Benedict Cumberbatch

Who?

And just like that, he was everywhere I looked!

(Apparently I've been in a bit of a black hole for a while, as he is NOT new to the scene) 

As my friends listed off everywhere I could've seen him, many project of which I have seen, I wondered what it was about him now that caught me so off guard & stole my attention.

Cut to this weekend, peacefully enjoying my dating hiatus, I found myself with time to catch up on some movies.

I popped in 12 Years a Slave & there he was again!!!

(was a lil thankful for the temporary distraction).

Definitely a movie worth seeing, but man it's such a heavy topic matter! My mind was left thinking about the reality of life then & how as a person living in 2014 I can't quite comprehend their 'justified' behavior against another human being just based on their skin color. Its just vicious & to see it breaks you open to the realities.

I sat there for along time after.

 I couldn't leave my Saturday night ending on that note, I needed something uplifting to balance my mood.

As I surfed my Netflix, there he was again!! ;)

Yep, it was time for Sherlock!

There was bingeing, lots of bingeing.

Followed by some high action detective-ing dreams 

I am officially obsessed with this series. 

The writing - quick, smart

The camera work - pure art

Watson - wry, witty, & c'mon he's Bilbo!
It's London
It's moody, it's quirky

What's not to love?!

I only wish there was more.

I must space the remaining episodes out now, as I already fear withdrawals.

Here's a lil snippet of a recent interview he gave...enjoy! (ahhh the accent, & he's funny to top it off...swoon)

Welcome to LOVE month

Ahhhh February, how did we get to you so quickly???

I've been seeing a lot of posts calling you the Month of Love,

and well since I love love, I can stick with that theme!

Let's catch up from where I left you last ~ 2nd date time with Mr Manhattan Beach.
To be fair, since we have a sizable amount of distance between us & he came to me on the 1st date, I ventured to his neck of the woods for this round (its not a hard twist of my arm to get me to the beach).
A great thing about dating an entrepreneur is his flexible schedule, so there we were on a Wednesday afternoon grabbing a coffee & taking his lil Yorkie, Hayley, for a walk along the beach...

I love dogs. Grew up with them & truly miss having one in my life right now, so I was excited to get some dog time in. I love how excited they get to see you, even if they don't really know you, cuz in 5 minutes you're their new bestie. I love how if they're in need of some petting & affection they don't hesitate to ask for it, they just nudge your hand until you give in. I think if we, as humans, were as transparent with our needs life may be a whole lot easier, just sayin...we could learn alot. I love how easily distracted they can get ~ "SQUIRREL!!". They're priceless...

It is quite adorable to see the nurturing side of a man come out,

and Mr Manhattan Beach looooooves his Hayley.

She's cute, I'll give her that.

But I quickly began to feel like a 3rd wheel on my own date!

All conversation started with asking Hayley's opinion, followed with that cutesy-wutesy talk usually reserved for infants.

When he started encouraging her to speak, I learned this bitch has opinions! She had lots of yapping to get off her chest.

He swooned.

Again, its sweet to see that men too can have their hearts melted.

But when the excessive kisses started, dog tongues, human lips, open mouths, I KNEW my lips were goin no where near either of their's!

I've loved all the dogs I've grown up with ~ Bertha, Tiffany, Barney ~ but always drew the line at the lips...call me a puppy prude.

I'm a petter & a snuggler.

Funnily enough I realized just this morning that my reaction to this is yet another, drum role please...daddy issue.

Our dogs all worked their way into my dad's heart, where my brother & I could barely crack his tough exterior. When he'd come in the door from work, he'd walk right past us & go straight to the dog with much curiosity about how it's day was.

Yes, I may have issues being the runner-up for affection, but I think its an issue I'll keep when comes to me vs pet.

While the date was fun, the scenery gorgeous & the conversation good, I think I learned too much about some areas we differ on to keep going forward.

Chalk this one up to some winter beach fun.

 At this point I've decided to hit the "pause" button on my dating life, just temporarily!

I've been trying to wrap my head around the concept of having "no expectations" in life, with a focus on it in my search for love.

I've gotten pretty good about having no expectations while out on the dates, really just being present & going with the date as it unfolds, but its the expectations my "heart" has that's tripping me up lately.
I find myself disinterested & pulling away after these dates because my heart remembers how it felt after a great 1st date, how it soared after a wonderful 2nd date, how it couldn't wait for a 3rd...
I mean, how do you tell yourself its never going to feel like it did before? To just drop it & be open to accepting a new version however it feels? 
Hence the "pause" while I ponder this...

And in an effort to save myself, from my "expectation self", I am on my dating hiatus til after Valentine's Day - talk about a day filled with expectations!

I mean this is like Christmas for us hopeless romantics!

Valentine's Day has been one of those holidays for me that has never gone as expected.

I have yet to be kissed on this day

& only once have I had a boyfriend on this holiday (& like a fool thinking we'd share more of them, I went out of town for work - idiot!)

Ever since junior high with my 1st crush on cutie boy Joey, I've hoped for something magical to happen on that day ~ a card, a flower, a secret admirer, candy, you name it I've dreamt it...and each February 14th would just go on by.

In high school, they'd deliver colored carnations during 7th & 8th period, each color representing various emotions ~ love, like, secret admirer, friendship, etc.  I can remember how anxious I felt when the classroom door would open & in came the flowers. I could always rely on my best friend to send me a blue carnation & I'd send her one too. It always complimented her colorful bunch.

Every year I have continued to tell myself "next year" creating the biggest expectation ever.

So this year, I can be free of these expectations at least, free from the letdown & truly just enjoy the day as any other day :)

Even though dates may be not be happening to report back on, I always have thoughts & commentaries on love, so stay tuned!

xo

**I'm a lil obsessed at the moment with this pop-y tune from a few years back, if you're in the mood to smile & dance it out with me hit play!**