Ok, I've got a lil confession to make ~
I stayed in the shallow end for another week.
On the Tuesday morning of the scheduled 2nd date with the Librarian I woke with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
The first thoughts one has when they wake up should not be dread for the upcoming evening's date.
Which in turn caused me to argue with myself about not "being open", closing off, yada yada ~ you can imagine this delightful conversation while still laying in bed, geez I mean what a way to start the day off...
And of course I couldn't just drop it, I kept chattering to myself about it all morning.
Do I trust my gut?
Is my gut just acting like a silly lil girl?
If I'm feeling this way, is it even possible go into the date "open" to anything positive?
If I cancel, am I letting myself down?
How will I ever learn if I avoid experiences?
Am I avoiding?
This could go on & on, but I'll spare you & just say
I cancelled the date.
I felt better physically after that,
but mentally I just felt safe (& not in a good way).
I was thankful for a busy week/weekend of ahead of work & time with friends that I could just throw myself in to...
Then while at a conference my perspective shifted.
I was busy still being right about how I handled the situation as told my tale to the ladies on Friday evening, but by some point Saturday afternoon I knew I needed to return his call & accept the 2nd 2nd date offer.
We had a fun, flirty conversation over the phone & set up for drinks on Monday.
I was open & excited.
Its hard to pinpoint exactly what caused the shift, but I knew if he directly asked
why I didn't feel we were a match, my answer would only reflect my
fears of being vulnerable, not valid reasons.
It is the Year of Dating Fearlessly, time to walk the talk!
I am currently living in a new space of freedom as I am not employed full time on a tv series. Sure this brings up a lil anxiety financially, but it has also opened up an amazing window to live my life balanced & do things I enjoy!
So while the prior week was a mix of work & play, this last week was a week of play, which all focused around multiple dates & living creatively.
Totally awesome!
Monday night was the Canadian Librarian's turn again & I was ready.
Yes we still debated & argued pretty much over every topic, but it was kinda fun. He is quite smart.
Due to a car issue of his, our date was in his neighborhood, which I didn't mind since he chose a cool locale. Oh & by the way I got him to man up & actually plan the date instead of him putting it on me ;)
Since I was enjoying his company this round, when he suggested a night cap at his place, I figured why not, it seemed a lil early to cut the date short.
You'd think I'd be dating savvy enough to expect what he had in mind & I did, but I was amazed at how quick the moves happened! Damn!
Well, I'll just say I got more practice in setting my boundaries.
I never blame a guy for trying, it in their DNA.
But by gosh, if it's one thing I'll rock at by the end in the dating game, it will be stating my needs & setting my boundaries!
Practice on!
3rd date is pending, as he's out of town for the next week...
So while the cat's away, this mouse is playing.
Date #2 for the week was a 1st date with a Cop from eHarmony.
Wasn't sure how I felt about dating a cop cop, but his profile seemed interesting, pics were handsome, tall(!) & get this, lived only a block from me - that NEVER happens in LA!
He seemed to be a very "to the point" type of guy, not much for chatter about frivolous things, so I wasn't sure what to expect connection-wise...
Staying open.
The plan was to meet at the Americana, a local open air mall with a ton of options, which was good since I didn't know if it was dinner? Drinks? Coffee? A stroll?
Our meeting spot was to be at the large fountain in the center.
He had let me know he was already there, and as I get to the fountain, I'm looking around, all I see are families & couples,
not a single man in sight.
Then I get this feeling I'm being watched.
I spin around, am I blind? I know he's here...then I see a lone figure in the shadows along the wall of the Apple store - is that him? I can tell that person sees me looking at him, but I get no acknowledgment. I keep scanning the crowd, but move his direction, really hoping this wasn't my date.
It was. In full stakeout mode.
I had visions of the Det. Stabler-style detective from Law & Order: SVU & I ended up with Sipowicz from NYPD Blue, minus the mustache.
I will never understand using old, inaccurate photos, it helps neither party involved.
Ok, so off to an awkward start from the get-go. We make a lap around the mall, with no plan forming. I'll admit to expecting a cop to be the take charge type of guy, but I was wrong.
After one loop, we found ourselves at the corner facing a new restaurant, who's signage is quite illegible, so I was commenting on that & wondered if he had been there or knew of it, trying to guide us somewhere.
We cross over, the menu seemed good, cool vibe but he wasn't showing an interest.
He did finally suggest dinner if I was hungry & offered up the Indian restaurant next store.
There's an Indian restaurant next door?
Apparently...in the basement.
Down the stairs we went to the completely empty, sparsely decorated Indian restaurant.
As we were the only customers there, we did get impeccable service & lucky for us we were in time for the early bird specials, so he ordered us a beer - to share!
Dinner was uneventful.
I noticed early on he wasn't ever making direct eye contact, so I started making it a game - he actually looked me in the eyes only 4 times!
He asked a lot about my experience with eHarmony. Then the past relationship questions came up.
Here is where I have to work on owning my limited relationship experience past.
I need to devise a good response that that doesn't leave me defending
the "what's wrong with you?" question.
So I haven't had a ton of long-term relationships, maybe that's a good thing!
Stop asking me why.
We walked back to the Americana post-dinner & found seats by the fountain, where he then states "how stupid are the people who watch this, its just water, so lame".
I LOVE THE DANCING WATER FOUNTAIN!!!
Its mesmerizing, its magical, its dancing freakin-water - its beauty found in the most ordinary thing combined with the emotion of music - how can you not love it?
Thankfully he was "fading", looked at his watch & at 7:48pm on a Friday night, we called time of death.
Date #3 sprung up kinda quickly.
Thursday evening while letting a girlfriend play Cyrano with my Tinder app, she reached out to Beach Guy.
Friday he & I are chatting.
Turns out he's from Manhattan Beach, but is passing through my area Saturday afternoon, so a coffee meet & greet it is.
Perfect lil squeeze in before my date that evening.
High energy, very talkative.
We both admit to the distance as an issue but are willing to give it a shot one more time, see if there's anything...
why not, right? Fearless!
Date night this Wednesday...
Ahhhhh Date #4, the one I've been looking forward to happening, finally materialized - Mr Second Time Around made a second appearance!
Funny thing about women, or well at least me, I don't quite pick up where we left off if it's been over a month. We had a lot of chemistry on our 1st date,
but as the weeks went by I kinda forgot what it felt like. Its gotta be built back up.
So, when his texts were all sexual & he wanted to start the date at my place where we left off last, I knew more boundary practice was coming, sigh...
Traffic was looking bad between our places, which according to him was due to the Ducks-Kings game at Dodger Stadium.
I wondered how gullible he thought I was, hockey at a baseball field???
Um yeah, turns out he was right...but of course I didn't believe him until I saw for myself.
Once he arrived I was quickly reminded of our chemistry. A breather needed to be taken, so to cool off we decided to go grab some beers at the local brewery & watch the game
Between his boys & work, I get the impression a relationship falls low on the priority list...too bad, but I can't settle for crumbs...
I'm a lil exhausted from a power week of dating.
All nice guys. Any matches? We'll see...
xoxo
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