The Weekly Date Roundup!

Ok, I've got a lil confession to make ~

I stayed in the shallow end for another week.

On the Tuesday morning of the scheduled 2nd date with the Librarian I woke with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The first thoughts one has when they wake up should not be dread for the upcoming evening's date.

Which in turn caused me to argue with myself about not "being open", closing off, yada yada ~ you can imagine this delightful conversation while still laying in bed, geez I mean what a way to start the day off...

And of course I couldn't just drop it, I kept chattering to myself about it all morning.

Do I trust my gut?

Is my gut just acting like a silly lil girl?

If I'm feeling this way, is it even possible go into the date "open" to anything positive?

If I cancel, am I letting myself down?

How will I ever learn if I avoid experiences?

Am I avoiding?

This could go on & on, but I'll spare you & just say

I cancelled the date.

I felt better physically after that,

but mentally I just felt safe (& not in a good way).

I was thankful for a busy week/weekend of ahead of work & time with friends that I could just throw myself in to...

Then while at a conference my perspective shifted.

I was busy still being right about how I handled the situation as told my tale to the ladies on Friday evening, but by some point Saturday afternoon I knew I needed to return his call & accept the 2nd 2nd date offer.

We had a fun, flirty conversation over the phone & set up for drinks on Monday.

I was open & excited.

Its hard to pinpoint exactly what caused the shift, but I knew if he directly asked 

why I didn't feel we were a match, my answer would only reflect my 

fears of being vulnerable, not valid reasons.

It is the Year of Dating Fearlessly, time to walk the talk!

I am currently living in a new space of freedom as I am not employed full time on a tv series. Sure this brings up a lil anxiety financially, but it has also opened up an amazing window to live my life balanced & do things I enjoy!

So while the prior week was a mix of work & play, this last week was a week of play, which all focused around multiple dates & living creatively.

Totally awesome!

Monday night was the Canadian Librarian's turn again & I was ready.

 I felt open to the adventure of getting to know him this time. We met for drinks at the Roosevelt Hotel, which has such a great old-Hollywood ambience. 
Yes we still debated & argued pretty much over every topic, but it was kinda fun. He is quite smart.

Due to a car issue of his, our date was in his neighborhood, which I didn't mind since he chose a cool locale. Oh & by the way I got him to man up & actually plan the date instead of him putting it on me ;)

Since I was enjoying his company this round, when he suggested a night cap at his place, I figured why not, it seemed a lil early to cut the date short.

You'd think I'd be dating savvy enough to expect what he had in mind & I did, but I was amazed at how quick the moves happened! Damn!

Well, I'll just say I got more practice in setting my boundaries.

I never blame a guy for trying, it in their DNA.

But by gosh, if it's one thing I'll rock at by the end in the dating game, it will be stating my needs & setting my boundaries!

Practice on!

3rd date is pending, as he's out of town for the next week...

So while the cat's away, this mouse is playing.

Date #2 for the week was a 1st date with a Cop from eHarmony.

Wasn't sure how I felt about dating a cop cop, but his profile seemed interesting, pics were handsome, tall(!) & get this, lived only a block from me - that NEVER happens in LA!

He seemed to be a very "to the point" type of guy, not much for chatter about frivolous things, so I wasn't sure what to expect connection-wise...

Staying open.

The plan was to meet at the Americana, a local open air mall with a ton of options, which was good since I didn't know if it was dinner? Drinks? Coffee? A stroll?

Our meeting spot was to be at the large fountain in the center.

He had let me know he was already there, and as I get to the fountain, I'm looking around, all I see are families & couples, 

not a single man in sight.

Then I get this feeling I'm being watched.

I spin around, am I blind? I know he's here...then I see a lone figure in the shadows along the wall of the Apple store - is that him? I can tell that person sees me looking at him, but I get no acknowledgment. I keep scanning the crowd, but move his direction, really hoping this wasn't my date.

It was. In full stakeout mode.

I had visions of the Det. Stabler-style detective from Law & Order: SVU & I ended up with Sipowicz from NYPD Blue, minus the mustache.

I will never understand using old, inaccurate photos, it helps neither party involved.

Ok, so off to an awkward start from the get-go. We make a lap around the mall, with no plan forming. I'll admit to expecting a cop to be the take charge type of guy, but I was wrong.

After one loop, we found ourselves at the corner facing a new restaurant, who's signage is quite illegible, so I was commenting on that & wondered if he had been there or knew of it, trying to guide us somewhere.

We cross over, the menu seemed good, cool vibe but he wasn't showing an interest.

He did finally suggest dinner if I was hungry & offered up the Indian restaurant next store.

There's an Indian restaurant next door?

Apparently...in the basement.

Down the stairs we went to the completely empty, sparsely decorated Indian restaurant.

As we were the only customers there, we did get impeccable service & lucky for us we were in time for the early bird specials, so he ordered us a beer - to share!

Dinner was uneventful. 

I noticed early on he wasn't ever making direct eye contact, so I started making it a game - he actually looked me in the eyes only 4 times!

He asked a lot about my experience with eHarmony. Then the past relationship questions came up.

Here is where I have to work on owning my limited relationship experience past. 

I need to devise a good response that that doesn't leave me defending 

the "what's wrong with you?" question. 

So I haven't had a ton of long-term relationships, maybe that's a good thing! 

Stop asking me why. 

We walked back to the Americana post-dinner & found seats by the fountain, where he then states "how stupid are the people who watch this, its just water, so lame".

I LOVE THE DANCING WATER FOUNTAIN!!!

Its mesmerizing, its magical, its dancing freakin-water  - its beauty found in the most ordinary thing combined with the emotion of music - how can you not love it?

Thankfully he was "fading", looked at his watch & at 7:48pm on a Friday night, we called time of death.

Date #3 sprung up kinda quickly.

Thursday evening while letting a girlfriend play Cyrano with my Tinder app, she reached out to Beach Guy.

Friday he & I are chatting. 

Turns out he's from Manhattan Beach, but is passing through my area Saturday afternoon, so a coffee meet & greet it is.

Perfect lil squeeze in before my date that evening.

High energy, very talkative.

We both admit to the distance as an issue but are willing to give it a shot one more time, see if there's anything...

why not, right? Fearless!

Date night this Wednesday...

Ahhhhh Date #4, the one I've been looking forward to happening, finally materialized -  Mr Second Time Around made a second appearance!

Funny thing about women, or well at least me, I don't quite pick up where we left off if it's been over a month. We had a lot of chemistry on our 1st date,

 but as the weeks went by I kinda forgot what it felt like. Its gotta be built back up.

So, when his texts were all sexual & he wanted to start the date at my place where we left off last, I knew more boundary practice was coming, sigh...

Traffic was looking bad between our places, which according to him was due to the Ducks-Kings game at Dodger Stadium. 

I wondered how gullible he thought I was, hockey at a baseball field??? 

Um yeah, turns out he was right...but of course I didn't believe him until I saw for myself. 

Once he arrived I was quickly reminded of our chemistry. A breather needed to be taken, so to cool off  we decided to go grab some beers at the local brewery & watch the game

It was a fun date. I really enjoy hanging out with him, but I think that was probably it.
Between his boys & work, I get the impression a relationship falls low on the priority list...too bad, but I can't settle for crumbs...

I'm a lil exhausted from a power week of dating. 
All nice guys. Any matches? We'll see...
xoxo

Just when you think you've got things handled...

Oh crap!

My dad issues are affecting my dating life!!

I mean I was aware I had some "dad issues" but I I thought I had worked through those in these past few years. And, please don't get me wrong I love my dad! I think we get along quite well now, but apparently there's some stuff I gotta look at...sigh

Let me take you back to last week's date that triggered all this...

I was finally meeting up with the Canadian librarian who I had met on Tinder.

We had been exchanging messages for a couple of weeks over the holidays, as we were both were busy traveling or booked with family in town, so it was finally time to meet up.

Our messages had been light & easy, starting off with the usual asking of the basics. Where we then moved into more witty banter. 

His flirting had an intellect to it that sparked my interest.

I've always found an educated man to be sexy. He doesn't have to know everything about everything but if he's got a passion & loves to share his knowledge in it - hot!

I was really looking forward to this date.

Pre-date giddiness, feelin pretty

We were meeting up at a small lil neighborhood wine bar he picked, which sounded casual & cozy.

I always love to let my girlie side show & decided to go with a dress & heels.

Always heels!

LA is a city overrun with short men & I gotta know early on how high a heel I can get away with, cuz I ain't giving them up ;)

One thing I have learned from my Tinder dates, if their pics are mostly waist & up, they will be shorter than me...they have ALL been shorter than me.

(This may be where Tinder falls short since their stats aren't listed, its kinda a crap shoot)

Sure, yeah, you can make the argument of falling for their personality is more important but if you can't get attracted while bending down for a kiss, I'm not sure you ever will.

Ok, so yes, he fell into the shorter than me category, but possibly eye level without heels, so not giving up hope yet.

We get our glasses of wine. He's a white wine guy. I'm a red wine gal.

Maybe we're the opposites attract type?

We start picking up & elaborating on conversations we had messaged about.

I quickly notice with every comment I make I am corrected.

But he's backing it up with facts & data, quoting obscure books & references, so kinda hot, right?

Have I mentioned he's a librarian?

I'm soaking up new information, I'm learning while on a date ~ very cool.

Until it keeps happening, with every topic! Even fashion!

I'm getting triggered, my combative-ness is starting to come out...not pretty Carlie, take a deep breath & hear him out.

I was trying really hard to not shut down mid-date. Yes, I had pretty much written him off as potential at this point, but I might as well enjoy the night, right?

But then I'd hear myself argue something back to him, like I had no control over my mouth!

Managed to survive through the conversations with a couple of glasses of wine & as he walked me to my car, he leaned in for the kiss - either he was on a different date than me or he get turned on by debating where he always wins.

I cringe to admit I kissed him back, seemed a quicker way out & as I pull away he suggests we do this again - seriously????

BUT

he says its up to me to invite him out & plan the evening

(I will leave my rant about gender roles & dating for a future post).

I say ok & quickly hop in my car, figuring I just dodged a 2nd date.

Of course he reaches out a couple of days later via text & I find myself even being combative & snarky in my responses. He does not bring out my best self!

Cut to a couple of days ago & I'm sharing this experience with my therapist

(yes, the therapist thing is happening now)

& in doing his brilliant job of holding the mirror up to me & making me actually look, he shows me how this gentleman's behavior was triggering my childhood reactions of dealing with my dad - who is always right...

And I reacted exactly how I used to as a child - dammit!

Instead of just listening, I was immediately forming judgements based on my past & writing him off.

Maybe he was anxious & was trying to impress, he suggested, but how would I know that if I'm not giving him a chance.

I cannot keep shutting down if its not how I "expect" it to be.

Sooooooo, I'm giving him a 2nd chance...while I currently feel this is against my better judgement, by Tuesday I will go into this open-minded, if anything for the practice & the experience of staying present

Christopher Reeve said "either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean."

I'm learning how to swim in the ocean, no more shutting down & playing it safe in the shallow end.

**Other Player's Update**

Going into the new year I was looking forward to meeting up with a couple of other suitors too, here's their latest...

The Restauranteur - has been benched due to a hernia, we'll see if he comes back swinging.

The Second time Around Guy - has also been out of play due to family health issues which took him out of town & between juggling when he's got his kid's, I feel we may never get that 2nd date in. We chat, but missing the in-person connection...

In the meantime, I'm just gonna hang my heart out there & go enjoy life!

Have a great week!!

xo