It was bound to happen...

Looking for love online does come with its risks, I mean you are talking to complete strangers.

Why do we so easily open up to them, to the idea of them as a mate?

Its not like we're handing out our numbers & hearts to every guy who walks by in the grocery store. In person we seem to be a lil more guarded with our hearts, but online we gaze at their pics, we read their words, exchange some emails & all of sudden a fantasy of what life could be like with him is dancing in our head.

We hold their well crafted words to be truth, their pictures to be the "everyday" version them, & not a well lit, best angle snapshot that is not reality from most angles.

And well, it finally happened...

the "inaccurate photo" guy finally showed up.

Mr. Pics & I mutually "chose" each other on OkCupid through their "Quick Match" system, where they give you a lil glimpse at each other's profile's & you give star ratings ~ lucky for us we each gave the other 4 or 5 stars.

Emails announcing your mutual interest are sent, let the connecting begin...

A couple of rounds of emails, a request for my number, the ring of my phone & the fun begins...

Completely shocked that he rang a mere 2 hours after asking for my number, I figured I HAD to answer the phone & I was really glad I did!

Turns out he's a very talkative type, which is great for me (I'm a good listener-type).

We chatted for a coupla hours, yes hours(!), & when we hung up I actually said out loud "well that was fun".

I couldn't believe how enjoyable our conversation was ~ it had been a while since I was intrigued by a man and what he had to say. He was funny, took risks, loved what he does for a living, shared similar interests ~ I couldn't wait to meet him.

We decided to meet on Sunday.

He offered to come my direction (points for him, especially considering he's a West-sider)

I couldn't tell with the options he threw out there ~ cafes to bars, what exactly kind of date we were going for.

We ended up with the bar/restaurant option based on their great patio, but chose to meet a 4p (?) - is that a late lunch? Early dinner? Drinks only? Who knew what this date held...

He was definitely manicure worthy, I mean I had been looking forward to meeting him all week. I had my favorite dress on, my best smelling perfume, I was feeling pretty & couldn't wait to meet him!

We both arrived at the same time, and since the place was virtually empty at that hour, he was easy to spot, except that he looked nothing like his pictures ~

easily 30-40lbs heavier than presented online.

Yes, his profile said "a lil extra", which his pics somewhat represented, but...

After the awkward hello's & we immediately went to the LA standard safe topic - traffic!

As he got our drinks, I noticed his entire back was wet with sweat & as we sat and talked he continued to sweat for another 15 minutes.

My mind wandered to activities we could be doing in the future & wondering how much he'd be sweating.

I mean, he got out of a BMW, so I know he had air conditioning, if crossing the street caused this sweat, I could only imagine...

The date was fine, he's a talker, like I said, so I learned alot.

Has roommates, 2 other guys - they call it their halfway house for divorcees (lovely)

Still not divorced (great)

As I sat there I kept questioning myself & how superficial am I???? 

Yes, we were not meeting up on other points too, but if we were "connecting" could I get past the extra lbs?

And if I expect him to be leaner, how can I judge with my "soft" spots?

I'm not a Sz 2 model/actress type that roam the streets here ~

who am I to be picky?

Maybe I should accept what interest is shown to me & get this done?

What wins out in the end?

Attraction?

Personality?

If we want/expect to be attracted to our mates, must we live up to that standard we're setting for them?

This has really left me spinning & questioning myself, how dare I judge him when I'm not perfect? If I want a lean man, should I assume he'll want the same & I need to diet more?

This experience, on top of the previous half dozen, has left me wanting to take a break.

A friend says she'll only let me take a week off, but I'm not sure if that's enough time for my heart.

I'm tired of being alone, but lonely & disappointed is worse.

I've recently started back to a job I thought I enjoyed, but in a matter of days I've seen myself crash. The grueling hours have sucked any joy I had for it out. And with these hours, I have no time for myself, my business or my dating life.

I do this job to support my business, but I'm left pondering if I was to give up my business, then my financial stresses will feel some relief, then maybe I can find a job with humane hours?

And if I give up my business, why stay here in LA?

Maybe to find the love of my life, I need to move on...

Am I willing to make finding LOVE my priority?

I used to think I loved what I did for a living & loved my business, but I'm beginning to wonder if they're safety nets to hide in?

I'm too tired to answer these questions right now, but they've got me thinking.

I'm sending prayers up.

Maybe its time to move on

xo

Set-ups, solo dates, & flashbacks from the past...

Ok, I'm back at it!

Online flirting that is ;)

Always, gotta keep in practice, right?

So far, not so good in the response department, soooo I'm going with we're not a match on all counts.

I will admit to getting confused by the guys who do pick you as a "match" via OkCupid's "Quick Match" system, yet when you get notified that you both chose each other, they don't make a move.

So, I'll throw a quick lil note out there to said match...nothing.

Huh? Why?

It can all be very confusing.

I try to not interpret actions or non-actions, but you gotta wonder sometimes people's motivations.

Best to keep it at screen value ~ what's said is what's meant, no action means no action, eventually someone who wants to chat will come along.

  

A friend sent me a link to an article about about modern dating.

It mostly pertained to the Millennial Generation, but it still made me sad.

The art of dating & courting a mate is disappearing, 

while 20-somethings just continue in hook-up mode from college or group dates.

A whole generation may never go on a proper date!! Its CRAZY!!

It seems gone is the actual verbal asking for a date, most guys seem to text or email & usually without much notice, according to the article.

I am SO thankful to not be a part of that generation!

Especially since I've been "trying out" the older gentlemen, they have all picked up the phone & asked me out (only 1 resorted to text & he was weeded out quickly).

Of course with their calling, it meant I actually had to pick up the phone - eek!- (& not screen it), which I proudly & nervously did :)

I'm not a phone person, never have been, even in high school. I like to use it to make the plans, & we'll chat in person, so I try to keep the conversations short & sweet.

I will admit it is great to put a voice to the words you've been reading though.

It helps the daydreams seem more real.

It also brought up the FOMO theory. 

I'll agree with my friend that it has always been around to some extent, but I feel the internet & online dating have made the Fear Of Missing Out more pronounced.

It has hyper-sensitized the fear of settling, I mean there's soooooo many options now, with each click an even better woman or man could be waiting, while you just skim over one who's good, but not 110% good....

Which leads me to pondering the "mathematical" matching systems they use on these sites...I've been shopping my matches & of course they see if you click on their profile, so at what percentage of a match is he worth clicking on? 75%? 80%? Only 90% & above make the cut?

I used to figure 85% & up was good, but then my clicks I was attracted to were getting few & far between, so I've lowered it to the 80% match tile, with high friend %'s too.

I figure that's in the "B" range, right?

That's a hopeful amount for connection, right?

I'm open to your suggestions ;)

Ok, enough with the online! Time to join the real world!

It was solo date night on Saturday & I had a blast!

I hadn't treated just myself out in quite a while, so it was a refreshing change.

Now it wasn't the intended plan for the evening, but all my friends were busy & I saw no point to my tickets going to waste. So I packed up my bag & off to the outdoor screening of "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" I went.

Had a good book to keep me company til the sun set, munched on my popcorn & drank my wine. It was divine.

No awkward lulls in conversation. No worries if they were enjoying themselves. It was just me getting to soak up the gorgeous-ness of a crisp LA night, watching 2 wonderful actresses light up the screen.



Its so fun to watch Marilyn Monroe oooooze her femininity. Sure, sometimes she uses to get what she wants, but there's something so amazing in watching a woman own her beauty & curves.
She was smart at playing dumb, you always know she knew what she was doing. So talented.

We always fight so hard to be taken seriously today, but I'd much rather see strength from men than fight to be their equal. I love the men/women dynamics of the older movies!
I feel I probably have lamented this before...


Ah yes, Ms Monroe ~ "I'm very definitely a woman & I enjoy it!"

So, from solo dates, I jumped to well-crafted brunch with friends on Sunday for a "chance" meeting with a friend's co-worker, who he thought would be a great match.
Cute, very funny, same industry (which is a good & bad thing).
Thankfully, I don't think he was aware of the brunch's intention.
So much less pressure to "perform" ;)
I know I don't do well in groups, especially when most are strangers. I tend to be the quiet, listening one when surrounded by a large group of big boisterous personalities, like this one. 
It was hard not to "over-mimosa" to compensate, but thankfully I resisted the urge.
If anything, I got to know the group better & maybe a seed was planted...
I always appreciate my friend looking to hook a girl up!

And, of course right on cue, enters the guy I was dating right before I met my ex - a previous hook up attempt from same friend's...I shoulda figured he'd be there.
Oops, sorry I never returned your calls or texts, I got busy being swept off my feet...so how've you been?
Slightly awkward...but my bubbly buzz helped ;)

Well that about sums up this past week, can't wait to see what/who lies ahead this week!

xo